Don’t Ask God to Make You Lean Only on Him.

You’re not ready for what God will do. You’re not ready to give Him that much control of your life. You might think you are, but you are not.
For the past eight months or so, I’ve felt my faith slipping. My freshman year at BJU had been a time of leaps and bounds in spiritual growth, but the upheaval of my summer shook my trust. I could see the hand of God working mightily in my life, but it was going against what I wanted. So I settled into spiritual apathy and complacency. I was going through the motions, but I no longer cared. This was how I started out my sophomore year, despite a desperate effort to continue caring for the things of the Lord.
That is a miserable state. I was trying to grow closer to God again in my own strength, and of course I couldn’t make myself care. So I asked Him to do it for me. I asked Him to strengthen my trust and love for Him and make me lean on Him alone.
That was a horrible decision. I have my plan. I like my plan. I do not want interference. I want an easy life. I want to be left alone. Asking God to strengthen my love and dependence on Him was a horrible decision because I wasn’t ready for it.
But get this. Outside of trusting in Christ for salvation from my sin, IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE.
God knew I wasn’t ready to handle what He was about to send my way, but that didn’t matter, because I had essentially already asked Him to handle it for me. He was giving me what I asked for. I was not actually going to let Him handle things… still… even though that was the point.
This semester has been hard. My 17 credit load feels like 20. I’m working two jobs. I’m tired and simply trying to keep my head above water so to speak. So many times I’ve sat in my room and wept (and I’m not a weeping sort of person) because, “Lord, I can’t do this!” But that was the point. I can’t. He can.
Some of my family members are having significant health struggles, and it’s painful to see them suffering. I’ve cried out, “Lord, I can’t do anything about this!” And again, that was the point. I can’t. He can.
Or how are you supposed to handle a friend who is going through a rough time, has made mistakes, and is coming to you for counsel. With my spiritual immaturity and over-emotional personality, I’m the last person who should be counseling. But what if you’re the one they trust? All I could do was say, “Lord, I don’t have the wisdom for this!” He gave me the words when I had none.
I’ve been convicted about the amount of time I don’t spend in the Word or in prayer. I’ve been convicted about placing my GPA ahead of the people in my life. I’ve been convicted about placing all my hopes and dreams on grad school and a lucrative career rather than asking God what He wants me to do.
All of this is what has happened to me since asking God to help me desire Him. All of this has made my road rocky. All of this has shown me how small and helpless I am.
If you’re all about your plan and your way, you should never ever make the same decision I did. Don’t ask God to draw you closer to Himself. If you like your life comfortable, this is not the way to go.
But if you are miserable because of your spiritual apathy, asking this of God is exactly what you need to do. It is going to be painful, but it is going to be worth it. God will show you His love and power, and your relationship with Him will never be the same.

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