The Middle of My Mess

This was supposed to be the easy semester. I planned it that way. On purpose. Because I knew I would be sick of college at this point, and I wanted as little burn-out as possible. Especially after my hyper-involvement in seemingly everything last semester and the four major classes–possibly the most burned-out time of my life so far.

I’m only taking 12 credits this semester. Three classes and an internship. Classes are done by chapel. Then I go to the internship. Then I come back and have dinner. Easiest semester ever. I’m not student teaching. I don’t have a senior recital or design show. It’s not like I’m taking an upper-level accounting class. I’m not in choir, I’m not taking voice lessons, I no longer have a marketing competition to deal with, I don’t have time to go to the AMA conference in New Orleans (despite how much I’d like to). I’m society chaplain, so I pray for and with my society sisters on Tuesday, I give an ultra-short challenge on Friday, and I show up at a couple of planning meetings. That is my only real extracurricular activity this semester.

It’s great! I have time to follow the 2016 presidential race–what madness. I have time to watch the debates. I can go to anything I want to around this place (if it’s free…). I can read for fun.

I get my own desk at my internship. I have my own stapler, jar of paper clips, pens in a holder, work computer… and most of it is pink. Including the wall in front of me.

But I might have been wrong again. This has not been the easiest semester. It may be the hardest yet.

I won’t go into details, but I just started at my internship last Friday. Starting has been a nightmare so far.

I thought I would have $20 on my school bill this semester. It was a lot more than that. They tell me it’s the activity fee. I wish they had added it last semester when I could have paid for it. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but the way the statements looked, I thought it was good to go. And I’m barely working this semester.  I could sub with my extra time, but everyone seems to want subs on the days when I don’t have time. No, my internship doesn’t pay. In fact, I spend money for bus fare every time I have to go there and back.

I hate to admit it, but those are the facts, and they are stressing me out quite a bit.

I’m no chocolate lover, but this semester has already driven me to eat chocolate like it’s some kind of bizarre biological need.

What my doctor calls “the body’s natural reaction to stress” hit me this week. I’m tired. I feel dreadful. I feel depressed.

I’m sick of dorm life. I’m sick of required events. I want a bathtub, a toilet of my own, and a kitchen.

Today, I won a chocolate bar in society for a silly “twinning” competition.

Today, I got a $4 off coupon on my CVS card. My hairspray only cost 50 cents today. I almost cried.

Today, we had good news about my baby sister. I wish I could say more, but I legally can’t. I’ll catch everyone up when I can.

Today, I woke up feeling horrible. Today, it was cold. Today, I had to walk to and stand at the bus stop.

Today, the internship went better.

Today, people prayed for my family.

Today, I got a package from my Nana.

Today, I needed good news. And chocolate. And prayer. And a good day at work. And almost free hairspray.

God was good today.

 

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